Yesterday I took on a BIG job...I had no idea how big of a job I was getting myself into.
You see, ever since Stace and I first started dating nearly 12 years ago, I have kept a "Stace and Kim box". In it I have saved all of the letters/ cards we have ever given each other*, ticket stubs to movies/ concerts, and plays, the ring boxes which held my promise, engagement, and wedding rings, the calendars I made him which contain our photos and inside jokes, newspaper clippings of Eagle Scout & marriage announcements, the ribbon that was wrapped around the gift he gave me when he proposed, Lucid Blue (his band) mementos, and even the lyrics to the song he wrote for his seminary graduation that his sister and I and a few others sang while he played it on the piano (we thought those lyrics were "gone forever"-- a LB reference;), and so, so, so much more.
*Except for the letters he sent me while on his mission-- those are in a separate album I kept while he was serving.*
But it's been so fun to look through all of this! It has really made me so grateful for this life we have now. I found the letter I wrote him in response to his thank you card he left on my doorstep, along with a really sweet and thoughtful box of gifts/ goodies, the day after he took me to his senior prom (our first date). I found his boutonniere from prom night! I found the ticket stubs to first movie we ever saw together ("Enough" with JLo...of all movies...ha!), and the list goes on and on!
I found one letter I wrote to him on March 28, 2006. I was studying abroad in London at the time, and Stace was set to wrap up his two year mission on May 4-- just over a month from then. I loved reading it and going back to that time in my life. It was before I started this blog and therefore before much of the content I have written about at the good ol' "Kim & Stace Place" had transpired. This was before I graduated; before we were married or even knew for sure we were going to get married; before we had a cute little yellow home to go to each day; before we taught a group of four-year-olds each Sunday about Jesus; before I had a job that I loved using my degree; long before we knew we would have fertility troubles; before we were subsequently blessed with three pregnancies and two babies who are better than I could have imagined; it was written before so much of what consumes my life now was ever thought of. I had a life before all of this, but that's easy to forget when you're go-go-go each day.
Reading this letter made me feel proud of the person I became while Stace was on his mission. I learned so much and honestly feel like I took whatever opportunities I could to grow and fulfill the dreams I had for myself. I traveled all over; I learned to hold conversations in another language; I taught children in that language in The Republic of Panama; I made friendships with people who made indelible impressions on my spirit; I studied my scriptures every day; I read various books written by general authorities; I went to the temple as often as I could; I attended every institute class I could possibly attend-- not only in Tallahassee, but also in London and in Panama. When President Hinckley asked members of the Church to read the Book of Mormon between August and Dec. 31st, I made a calendar and printed it out with a reading schedule, and I stuck to it. I kept a scripture journal and an everyday journal. I went out/ taught with the sister missionaries as often as I could. I was not perfect in any sense, but I really tried to grow.
I've often said after Stace returned that I wouldn't have traded that time we had apart for anything. While I knew I wanted to be good enough for Stace when he got home, I didn't do it for him. I did it for me. I hungered and thirsted to GROW and become closer to my Father in Heaven. I needed Him and learned more so then than ever before how true that was.
When Stace left, my brother Chris gave me a blessing and said in it that that time would be my mission, too. It really was. Every once in a while, I have felt a little (and sometimes a lot) bummed because I never got to serve a full-time mission. I would have LOVED that experience. I know it. I absolutely would have LOVED it. And sometimes I just think "why didn't ya go?! Stace would have waited!" But he returned the month I turned 21, and the day he got home...we just knew it: we just knew we were going to get married. It was one of the best nights of my life...all of what was felt could not be put into words, but it was, in one word: perfect. After being SO worried that our "chemistry" would be gone when we were reunited in person, it was absolutely overwhelmingly perfect in how it was like no time had passed at all. So I can't allow myself to get too sad about not serving full-time, and after all, the words in Chris' blessing were true: those two years were my mission.
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