Ella Grace: Where Do I Even Begin?!

Note: I'm sorry this post is so long. I also apologize for the choppiness & poor writing...I only have so much time to write...this took me all day! ha! So, If you have time to read a poorly written novel, proceed...

This little angel girl has taught me more about being a mother in a few short days than I could have ever imagined . I have learned:
1. how powerful a mother's love is, even when she has only just met her child. I've been amazed at how deeply my heart could break over someone I've just met.
2. that you have to fight for your child, and be her voice and her advocate because no one else will care the way you (and your spouse) do
3. a lesson in compassion
4. a greater understanding of what a blessing it is to have a healthy child


I suppose I'll start from the beginning: the birth story!
My water broke at 9 PM on Saturday, September 17...at least, I thought it was my water. I called the doctor, arranged for Julian to stay at my friend's house, and we headed to the hospital. Yes, my water had broken, but I was only dialated 1 cm! However, there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. This terrified me. I always thought that if your baby passed his/ her meconium while inside you, it was time to get that baby outta there, and fast. But no one seemed to be worried. So I called my brother, and he reassured me that all was well. He told me it was fairly common, and as long as Baby's heartbeat was strong, we had nothing to worry about.

Since I'd given birth to Julian without any pain medication or an epidural, I decided to give an epidural a try to be able to have that experience too. I agonized over this decision my entire pregnancy, & I only came to this conclusion the day before going to the hospital. I was able to make this decision only after multiple reassurances that the epidural stays in the spinal column and doesn't get to the baby, & thinking about how my mom didn't have one with her first three kids, but she did with my little sister and I & how she raves "Kimberly, the epidural was the BEST decision of my life!" And talking with all my friends who've had them before who say they'd do it all over again. So while I loved the experience without an epidural, it was NOT EASY and I figured "why suffer again if I don't have to?"

So finally I came to my decision the day before I gave birth, and I was firm and confident in it. I felt good and excited about it! I kept asking for it all night, but never got it. The nurse said my midwife wanted to see if I'd progress to about a four, and then I'd get it. Plus, the anesthesiologist had gone home. Well I was in agony all night. I could not sleep. So...finally I got my epidural at 7 AM...when I was already dialated to a 9. My midwife asked me at that point if I was sure I really wanted it, because I was almost done. I said YES! haha. I said "I do not want to feel that dang 'ring of fire' again!"

So the anesthiologist, Dr. Yao, came in and shot me up and I felt immediate sweet relief! And then I passed out! I was sleeping, but still conscious of my surroundings. On a scale of 0 to 5, 0 being wide awake and 5 being dead asleep, I was probably at about 3 and 3/4 asleep. I was in an exhausted and blissful state.

Both of my actual birthing experiences were beautiful, and I'm glad I know what both drug free and epidural experiences are like. But I was much calmer, able to focus, and READY to hold & bond with my baby after the epidural. (Now, this was just my experience-- I know it is different for everyone.) So, if I had to do it all over again, yes I would get the epidural! (Next time: I want it earlier though! ha!)

The midwife and nurses came into deliver Ella Grace at about 9 AM, and laughed and said something like "we've never had a mom be asleep during delivery!" They let me rest for a few more minutes, and then came in and said it was time to meet our baby girl!

I pushed for four 10 second counts and she was out! But she gave us quite a scare right after she was born. Can you imagine birthing a baby, that moment you've been waiting for for 40 weeks, there's excitement and joy in the room as you anticipate her getting placed directly on your chest so you can hold her, calm her, & tell her how much you love her. The nurses and your husband cheer you on as you give that final push that brings her into the world, and you hear nothing. but. silence. She's not given to me right away as agreed upon with the nurses earlier. I turn to my husband and fear grips my heart when I see the worry on his face, and I can only manage to get out the words "why isn't she crying?" over & over again as I cry. The tears in Stace's eyes and worry on his face (that almost looks like he is going to be sick) do not provide the usual reassurance my husband is always able to give to me so freely and sincerely, and so I continue to cry as the nurses, midwife and respiratory therapist work frantically to get her breathing. There's a nurse to my right watching the clock intently, calling out how long it's been since she's been born and not breathing.
Finally, after the longest two minutes of my life, that blessed sound of my daughter's first cry fills the room, and I smile a sigh of relief. Everything's fine now. This love I feel resonating between my husband and I for each other & for this new, precious life we've created makes everything seem perfect. At that moment, I couldn't have been happier. What a roller coaster.




(We rehashed and relived that situation after she was born over and over again with each medical professional who would talk to us-- including a specialist this week-- to calm our fears that the time she didn't breathe wouldn't have any long term effects on her. All of them say that since her Apgar went up to a 9 at 5 minutes (up from a 1 at 1 minute), since she's been feeding vigorously from the get go, and her diapers need changing (VERY) regularly, that she is perfectly fine! My brother said it was a real blessing that she didn't cry, because then she could have aspirated the meconium into her lungs, and developed pneumonia. Side note: this happened to a friend of mine's baby here in Gainesville, and he was in the NICU for 2 weeks. Now he is a handsome and clever little 3-year-old boy!
Since that was a very emotionally traumatic experience for me, and I truly feel & believe that the doctors are correct in their assestment of her being just perfect, I really don't like to talk about it. It was really awful. The pediatric specialist we saw this week (for something else) assured us "Babies are amazingly resilient. Think of how many babies have been born without all of the medical care, that turn out perfect." And even the babies that have to be in the NICU for weeks or months on end, that turn out just fine. True...ahhh...sigh of relief...)

On Wednesday I kept reflecting on how strange it was this time around to bring a new baby home & to not feel as though my life was just turned upside down...that life hasn't completely changed. That was definitely a huge feeling I had after Julian was born. "That's because you're already a mom," my mom said. That made sense.

Thursday, four days after she was born, she woke up with lots of gunk in her eye. I worried that she had pink eye. I called the doctor and they said I just needed to keep it clean, and if it still looked bad on Monday to bring her in. I hung up the phone, but that response did not sit well with me. I called them right back and told them I thought she needed to go in that day. So I took her in and found out it wasn't pink eye, but actually she was born with a blocked tear duct. But her eye was really swollen and infected. So they prescribed medicine for us to apply twice a day for seven days. It cleared up really beautifully a couple days later, though we still had to remove gunk throughout each day. But I kept thinking "what if we had waited until Monday!?" It would've probably been very uncomfortable for her, and just gotten more infected. Why wait for a problem to get really, really bad before trying to remedy it? ugh.

When I got home from the doctor, Julian woke up from his nap with the third fever of his entire life. Ah!! really? The week I bring a newborn home from the hospital? My mom took care of him and gave him medicine while we tried to keep a safe distance between him and his baby sister.

Stace gave Ella Grace a blessing Thursday night before we went to bed. I wanted him to give her one because of her eye, and because of Julian's fever. This was her very first priesthood blessing. Among other things, he blessed her that she would know and feel that her parents love her very much, that her body would be strong & would be able to withstand any sickness Julian had & that her blocked tear duct would go away & get better & withstand infection. At the very end, he blessed her that her "mental capacities would be fully functioning" and that she would "grow to be smart and quick."

I thought that was sweet & special of Heavenly Father to inspire Stace to throw that last bit in there, but didn't fully appreciate why He would have until later.

Friday I got a call from the pediatrician's office. "What could this be about?" I wondered as I called back. "Ella Grace's lab results from the hospital for PKU came back abnormal, so we need her to get retested." What?! I had no idea what PKU was, but I went straight to the doctor, got the lab slip and went to the lab. When we got there, the lab tech also said she was getting retested for her TSH levels. So two diseases? I was so confused. Stace arrived right before they started drawing blood. I was so glad he was there because I couldn't hold it together. I bawled right along with Ella Grace, while Daddy was strong as he tried to soothe her for the worst 45 minutes of my life as they squeezed (and squeezed) two viles of blood from her teeny tiny little heel.

I didn't know what either disease was, and didn't have time to look it up before leaving for the lab. So after she was done drawing the blood, I asked the lab tech what PKU was. She casually said the words "mental retardation" and I froze with shock. Did she really just say that? Stace looked up TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) and saw that Ella Grace's lab results pointed toward a disease called hypothyroidism...which could also lead to mental retardation. We drove home separately and I was seriously hysterical. When I pulled into our driveway, Stace had to almost pull me out of the car, as it hit me: "it's my fault! If I hadn't gotten the epidural, I wouldn't have fallen asleep! and she would have come right out and breathed!" I told him I just wanted to die. He held me and kissed me and said "Kim, it's genetic!" PKU occurs from a recessive gene from both the mother and the father, and it's a 1 in 15,000 chance. Once you have a child with PKU, the odds of your next child having it goes up to 1 in 4. Hypothyroidism isn't genetic, but it is a result of the thyroid not developing properly while the baby is in utero. In the back of my mind, the words from her blessing just the night before kept trying to reassure me, but I couldn't stop crying & worrying. The lab tech's words "mental retardation" kept replaying in my mind, & I couldn't make them stop.

The lab tech said we'd likely have the TSH results back that day, but the PKU results would take several days. So I waited all day, and when I hadn't heard from anyone at about 4:20, I started making phone calls. My pediatrician's office didn't have the results. They basically just told me to be patient. Riiiight. So then we called the lab. The lab tech said "I'm not supposed to tell you this over the phone, but I'm going to go ahead and tell you. Her TSH levels are HIGH." Her tone of voice when she said "high" indicated they were very high. She said she was faxing the results to the doctor right then. So I called back at 4:55. They still hadn't gotten them. The nurse told me she'd call me first thing Monday morning, and told me not to stress. Riiiight.

One of the worst parts of all of this was that it all happened on a Friday. So that meant we were alone with our thoughts and GOOGLE until we found out the results. I kept thinking over the weekend what a cruel trick my mind had played on me, if she did have one of these 2 diseases, thinking life hadn't completely just changed...

Last weekend I started out my journal entry like this: "I keep feeling like I should write down my feelings today, but part of me desperately doesn't want to because I never want to remember how I've felt again. I want to pour my heart out onto the pages of a book, as if somehow doing so would expel the heartache, lock it up and throw away the key.
On one hand, my joy has been so full. I have been blessed with this beautiful, angel, baby girl. She is so teeny tiny and perfect. She has a full head of blonde hair, the cutest little button nose, the SOFTEST back, and the skinniest little chicken legs- I'm so in love with these fragile little legs! On the other hand, my heart feels as though it can't quite take much more worry and pain. Fear of what could be tries to take over, and being a brand new mom to this brand new angel who I'm just getting well-acquainted with, the fear keeps winning and the tears won't stop coming."

Friday night, Stace was so sweet. He kept hugging me and trying to tell me everything was going to be alright. Then he said "we are going to watch a movie and eat ice cream, and we are going to find the girliest chick-flick ever created!" And that we did.

We prayed and prayed, and asked our families to fast on Sunday. Stace's dad came by on Sunday evening and he and Stace gave Ella Grace another priesthood blessing. It calmed my fears, but I still was having a really hard time. Thankfully, Aunt Candace took Julian home with her on Friday to let him recuperate from his fever. He stayed with Stace's family that weekend, and I was so grateful because I would never want him to see me in the state I was in last weekend.

On Monday we found out her levels were still high, so the pediatrician's office said they'd be referring us to a specialist: a pediatric endocrinoligst at Shands. The nurse said she'd give them a call and fax them the referral (which they needed before any appointment could be scheduled) and told me to wait for their call. I asked if I could just call them, and she insisted they would call me. UGH. fine. I waited and waited all day. Nothing. Agony. Eternity.

That afternoon Stace and I decided to go see the numbers for ourselves. So we went up to the pediatrician's office and asked for a copy of her lab results. Don't even get me started here. I am just going to copy and paste the email I wrote to my family on Tuesday:

Stace and I went to the pediatrician's office yesterday afternoon to collect her test results so we could see the numbers for ourselves. Upon viewing the results and asking questions to the staff, we learned Ella Grace's PKU levels were never an issue and they were within normal range from the get-go. UGH! That was a lot of worry and tears over what turned about to be nothing. SERIOUSLY!!!!???? But thank goodness! This left us with just one disease to worry about, having to do with her TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels, which appeared to be high, which would indicate hypothyroidism.

We also found out that our pediatrician's office never faxed Ella Grace's results/ referral to Shands (no wonder they hadn't called me all day). On top of that, they never scanned her results into the computer, and they just ended up going into the recycle bin. So after digging the results out of the trash right in front me, they faxed them yesterday at 4:45 PM, and we called Shands directly afterward to make the appointment. The earliest they could fit us in was this Friday, though we'd read that treatment for hypothyroidism should begin in the first week of life. We decided this morning that was too long of a wait, so we collected her records in their entirety from the hospital where she was born, and went to Shands pediatric endocrinology office unannounced, hoping to get a moment with a specialist to let him/ her see Ella Grace's results and tell us what to do.

Thankfully, the receptionist at the front desk was kind and took Ella Grace's results to a doctor. She came back two minutes later and said the doctor would see us today...right then! We were so grateful! We then saw the sweetest doctor I've ever met (aside from my brother Chris, of course!;) who really took her time with us, and was so compassionate, although we'd showed up without an appointment. She explained the numbers to us: anything above a 4.5 TSH level is considered high. However, they spike 48 hours after a child is born (to around 50), and then continue to drop until they get to below 4.5 in a couple days. Ella Grace's labs from Friday showed her at a 7. Today we learned these numbers can be all the way up in the 100's, so while a 7 is above normal, it's not incredibly worrisome. She ordered another lab to see if they have continued to fall since last Friday, and she felt confident this would be the case. If the numbers are a 9, 10 or above, we'll do one more draw, and if they still haven't fallen, then the doctor said we'd start treatment. >end of email

Blood draw on Tuesday. They couldn't get enough out of her heel, so they had to stick her arm, too:(
On Wednesday we found out her levels had dropped to 5.1! Yay! The doctor was very optimistic because they are trending downward, though her levels are still above the normal range. She told us to take Baby Girl back in for another lab in ten days just to be sure, but that she is confident they will be within that normal range. We are confident this will be the case too, and we are so grateful. And SO relieved!

Wow. That was a long post.

So back to what I've learned from our sweet Ella Grace so far:
1. self-explanatory
2. thank goodness there are people out there who will care and be compassionate, but sometimes you have to really search and search until you find those people. I am so grateful we found those people in the receptionist and in the pediatric endocrinologist that we met at Shands.
3 & 4. sitting in the waiting room at Shands and looking around, it hit me: what a blessing it is to have a healthy child. We take it for granted so easily. Health is probably one of the easiest things to take for granted, but perhaps one thing we should strive more so than almost anything else to not take for granted. Looking around that room, I saw so many children who were sick. It hit me: my baby is not the only baby who is (so I thought) sick. But that's all I could think about then. Poor babies, poor mothers and fathers who deal with illness every single day of their lives. It made me want to be able to do something to help, but I have no idea what. For now, I look at this precious baby girl of mine and realize I need to be more thankful for the blessings I am given, and that I should probably get on my knees now to thank Him for seeing us through the last few AWFUL days, and keeping our angel girl safe under His watchful eye.

We are so blessed.

My Progeny Updates, Part Julian

I now have two babies! One wears a size newborn diaper, the other a size 5...

Everyone told me I wouldn't be able to believe how tiny my new baby would be. I think I am more shocked though, at how BIG my old baby is. Changing his diaper after changing hers always takes me back a little bit. His bum bum is so much bigger than hers! lol!

I have been taking litte notes, writing myself text messages, etc of the funny things Julian has been saying over the last ten days or so since Ella Grace arrived. Here they are:

• He stayed the night at my friend's house the night I went into labor. When Stace went to pick him up, she told him she and her husband heard this sweet, pitiful little plea coming from the room they'd set his pack n' play up in, saying: "Please open da door" over and over, until he laid down and went to sleep. Poor wittle guy!
• Upon seeing Ella Grace for the first time, he said in a really sweet, high-pitched voice"Hi baby!" and then patted her. He always touches/ pats her head gently.
• He says "sowwy baby" in a really empathetic tone as he pats her and tries to hug her when she fusses. Today he just looked at her ad said "NO!" when she started to squirm (not even fuss)...haha!
• He bonked his head on tv stand and ran to me and said "mmm...kiss!" (Pleading tone). I gave him one and he said "all better!" And then ran back to tv stand and said "more kisses!" So he bonked his head again so he could come back for more kisses:) so cute! I laughed and told him he didn't have to bonk his head to get kisses from me!

The face of intimidation...

• Last week he bit into a pear and said "Mmm...delicious!" :)
• "Oh my goodness!" As he opened his present from Ella Grace in the hospital:)
• "Keep reading!" Last night when talking to him about the book we were reading (Big Red Barn). He didn't want to take time to talk about the story! haha!
• His prayer all by himself last week: "Dear Heavenly Father, we thank thee for this day. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." Ha! Quickest prayer ever!
• We had our first prayer/ book/ scripture/ song as as a family of four last week. Julian picked the song and scripture. I asked "which one should Daddy read?" Julian opened the scriptures randomly and said "dat one!" He had pointed to "cheer" in topical guide, so Stace read a bit of that:) then he wanted to sing "Moroni song" which we all (including my MIL, Elaine) improvised and made up as we went along! It was so funny:) We were all trying our best to keep from laughing. Elaine snapped this pic one night she was with us right after we'd finished our story:
• Today he was climbing in the car and he stood on the infant car seat base so his head touched the ceiling and said "I'm upside down!" (because his head was on the ceiling. Holy cow...the connections he makes...)
• I was trying to tell him he needed to go to sleep, and when he woke up he could see Pop Pop, not sure if he was understanding the chain of events I was describing to him. He laid down and said "Go to sleep, wake up, and then I'll see Pop Pop!"
• Today he was looking at Ella Grace's feet and giggling and I said "are your feet littler or bigger than Ella Grace's?" and he said "BIGGER!" I'm always surprised when he doesn't just say "big" for example, but adds the correct endings/ tenses.
• He's been a bit clingy, but that's not too terribly uncharacteristic of him. Sometimes he just gets that way. But overall, he truly has been a sweet big brother to his little sister (sometimes he'll say "MY Ella Grace!"). There's been a few times that I've been feeding her, but he says "hold you, Mama!" meaning he wants me to hold him. So I try to hold both babies, and he's oblivious to the fact that his sister is in my other arm, and so while he shifts to get comfy, I have to do some major shielding of baby girl...but, each day seems to get better and better! So far...

• Last night we sang his current favorite song "I Love to See the Temple" before bed and Julian sang pretty much the entire song right along with us! He says "sacred booty" instead of "sacred duty"....;)

This is what Julian does when you tell him to smile! He is part Chinese, you know...

• A couple texts from his Aunt Candace:

1. I'm pushing Julian on the swing and Willis and Colby (the cats) just walked over here and Julian said "hi Willis. Hi Colby. I'm swinging. sorry kitties." ha ha.
2. Colby just climbed up the swing set to the top and Julian said "oh wow, that's talented" ha ha ha
3. i started laughing and tried to see if mom heard so now he keeps saying "colby is talented" ha

Next post will be all about Ella Grace!

Welcome to the World, Sweet Ella Grace!

She arrived at 9:25 on Sunday morning, September 18, 2011.

Weighing in at 6 lbs, 14 oz & measuring 19.5 inches long...

Big brother was really excited...

She's just precious...

We love her so much:)

My Favorite Wittle Finance PhD Candidate...

Stace successfully defended his 2nd year paper today in front of his professors, fellow students, and most importantly: a committee of people who decided whether or not he'd been committed to PhD candidacy. His presentation lasted 45 minutes, and then the jury left to deliberate.
They came back and congratulated him on a job well done!

I am so proud of all of his hard work! He inspires me:)

(Hopefully) Final thoughts before a new angel is added to our family:)

• I'm in the mood to bake, but the fact that I am now gaining a pound a day keeps nagging at me, telling me it's a bad idea.
• I know I'm not alone here as a mama about to give birth, but this house has been spotless for the last month or so, pretty much 'round the clock. Now my feet hurt and it's hard for me to keep it up due to said achey feet!
• Did I mention how glad I am her birthday didn't occur on September 11? Phew! :)
• I have been trying not push my luck on hoping for the day she'll arrive, but I've also been secretly hoping she'll arrive anytime tomorrow (or after tomorrow) after Stace gives a presentation on his 2nd year paper at 10:00 AM. This means I've been avoiding any and all methods people suggest to help bring the baby on (except I've taken some walks with Boo Boo). Tomorrow afternoon, bring on the castor oil! ;) just kidding! I think the mere fact that it has the word "oil" in it would make me unable to down it!
• I kept asking "what if she comes right before your presentation!?" and Stace calmly reassured me that if she did, it wouldn't be a big deal to move it. Still, I hope she will come afterward so he can be stress free!
• I have been thinking so much lately how blessed I am to be married to Stace. He is such a loving, wonderful husband. He is so supportive and sweet, and he makes Julian and I laugh all the time! He has been helping me so much these last few days especially, when I have just fallen asleep at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I fell asleep right before we put Boo Boo down (in his recliner, no less!) and he just covered me up with a blanket and gave Julian a bath and put did the bedtime routine solo. He's done this before, of course (like when I'm at church on Wednesday nights), but whenever we're both home, we always do it together. He is such a good daddy. Ella Grace and Julian are very blessed to have him as their daddy:)
• I have my first appointment tomorrow in two weeks! I am so excited! It feels like it's been forever.
• I am so excited because today Amelia and I took a little trip to Micanopy, where I was on the hunt for the girl version of this hat. I bought this hat in a little shop in this teeny town right before Julian was born, and I've been wanting to go get the girl version for a while now! I was so excited they still had it!

Boo Boo Bites & other thoughts...

Last week I sliced Julian up some watermelon that looked like this:

I put it on his tray as he sat in his high chair, and he delightfully exclaimed "watermelon!" and I said "yes! Watermelon! What shape is the watermelon?" He looked at it and seemed to be thinking while I wondered to myself if he'd even understood my question. (IE: would he be able to recognize & understand the word "shape" in a sentence when we weren't doing a shapes puzzle or looking at a book about shapes?) Right before I answered my question for him, he looked up at me with a big smile and said "TRIANGLE!" Tonight he did the same thing with a piece of tomato that was also cut in the shape of a triangle. :)
I gave him black beans and yogurt as part of his lunch last week, and he proceeded to dip the beans in the yogurt. (GROSS, right?!) He LOVED it. He asked for it again the next day. And the next. By the third day, I had run out of yogurt, so I gave him applesauce instead. He now also loves dipping his beans in applesauce. ha! Tonight, after gobbling down tons of green pepper pieces and tomatoes, he wouldn't eat his lasagna (he still eats almost anything you give him, so that was a surprise to us...I think it was too spicy), but wanted "beans and yogurt." Oh silly boy.
As much as he LOVES to "dip" his food in sauces, Stace was excited and enthusiastically trying to get him to dip his veggies in a bit of Ranch dressing. It was so weird-- he didn't want anything to do with the Ranch! After Stace's fifth attempt, I said "well, I guess he doesn't want it to be fattening...maybe we shouldn't push it!" haha:)

One of my best friends, who was my VERY best friend growing up came to visit us yesterday! It was so good to see her. She is currently in law school and was down in Florida interviewing for a job. She is brilliant & she works so hard, and I have no doubt she'll do great things! Amelia came bearing gifts for Ella Grace. She gave her two little dresses which are simply adorable!
Yesterday we also took a little walk down to our local firestation to give the firemen some treats and a thank you card in honor of September 11. They in turn gave Julian a tour of the firetruck and a little activity book. He was a little shy while there (I think because he had just woken up), but he was asking today to go back to see the firetrucks! I hope to make it a tradition every year.



In other news...I have been secretly hoping and wishing and praying ever since I found out my due date that our new baby wouldn't arrive on September 11. Julian came four days earlier than his due date, and "they say" that oftentimes each subsequent baby comes a bit earlier than the last. I have been reading articles on how to look on the bright side if a baby is born on this day, (like what a beautiful blessing to come out of such a tragic day), and many peoples' thoughts on the subject to try and prepare myself in case it did happen. Stace agreed with many others who said things like "people are born on December 7 all the time (or other days tied with tragic events), and it doesn't matter...it is that person's birthday, which also happens to be the day that the attack on Pearl Harbor happened." I don't think he was even trying to make me feel better, he just really didn't get why I was so worried about her birthday being on September 11. My bff/ sister-in-law felt the same way as him. I have been watching the clock all day, and getting a little more hopeful as each hour has passed. Here we are at about 10:00 PM and I now know her birthday won't be on September 11. I am sorry, but I can't help but be relieved! Alright Ella Grace: you are free to come whenever you please now! :) We can't wait!

I have GOT to be the WORST. seamstress. ever. EVER.

I have been working like crazy on this thing the past couple days. I'm about finished (just have to sew on the straps now & the ribbon tie I am adding-- I cut a line down the middle of the front of the blanket for breathability's sake). All I'm saying is the sewing job is inexcusable. The angel on my shoulder is telling me maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself, since I just recently learned how to sew. But the *realistic* devil on my shoulder is telling me it's a poor excuse for a sewing project, and there's seriously no excuse for these shoddy seams. Annnd...I better never wash it, or all the thread is going to come out. I can hardly sew a straight line. Seriously. UGHHH! Please do me a favor and never look closely at the seams. Just. Out of the goodness of your heart and for my self-esteem's sake. If I post a pic, don't blow it up. So you don't throw up.

Rant ending.

Pregnancy hormones are in full swing tonight!

Cute Things Boo Boo Said Today

I can't believe I'm making a post like this already. I thought the "kids say the darndest things" posts would be saved for the future. Well, I thought wrong I s'pose. Here goes:

• He was playing outside and I had the back door open so I could look out and see him/ hear him. He poked his head in a few times with a big smile on his face and said "how ya doin in there, Mama?!" I was totally surprised...he's never asked this before! I said "I'm doing good in here, Boo Boo! How are you doing out there?!" and he'd smile and say "good"...then he'd poke him head in again a few minutes later and repeat:)
• He was walking around the house this morning alongside his little Fisher Price pull-along puppy, and he made a stop at the pantry. He proceeded to open the door, look down at his puppy, and in all sincerity ask "what do you want, Puppy?"
• This morning he brought me a book to read that is often forgotten because it's too big to fit on his bookshelf, so it sits in the hall closet. The book includes a few pages of the Hokey Pokey song, so today he grabbed it and came running to me and said "Hokey Pokey book! Hokey Pokey book mama!" So we sat and read it a couple times. But I'd forgotten about that when later this afternoon he said he wanted to sit on my leg...my "right leg" in particular.
• His Grandmommy told him last week that she loves him "BIG bunches", and he replied "no little bunches" and she said "no! BIG bunches!" (and this went on until he said "catfood bunches!") So now, Stace likes to say it to Boo Boo and it's so cute! They do the same back and forth, except now Boo Boo says this every time...because I think he knows it melts his Daddy's heart (every time Stace laughs and looks at me like "did you hear that?" :) "No, big bunches and little bunches, toooo." and he says "toooo" in the sweetest voice ever! I got it on video tonight! YES. finally. :)
• Yesterday we were in Ella Grace's room, and Julian pointed to the sign above her bed I painted and said "Ella Grace!" over and over again....like he was reading it! ha! Most times when he sees letters clustered together, he just says "ABC's! ABC's!"
• Today I asked him where Ella Grace is and he said "in your tummy!" This was the first time he's said that. (also got this on video tonight...YES!) Last night we were in the bath and he looked at my belly and I said "say 'hi" Ella Grace!" and he rubbed my tummy and smiled:) Maybe this is when it clicked...? :)
• Today he sang the following all by himself in the car on our family run to Chick-fil-a for a milkshake before bedtime: "Baby beyuga in da deep blue sea, swim so wile an swim so free. Heaben above an' seeee bewoah and a little white whale on go. Baby Beyuga, oh Baby Beyuga. Is water warm? Is mama home? with you...so...happy? Way down yonder where the dolphins play, where dey dive an splash all day. Moon is shining an' staws out. Goodnight little whale, goodnight!" Stace and I looked at each other, again, mouths wide open and huge smiles...with looks on our faces of "what just happened?!" and then we partied & congratulated him on his extreme song making skills. He just kept reading his Nursery Rhyme book like it was no big.
• Today TJ and Amelia came over for the day for Amelia and I to make these together! We had a lot of fun, and will finish up tomorrow! Needless to say, Julian and TJ loved one another's company, as usual. (Though Julian is quite bossy to TJ...he's not like that with any other kid and it's so weird/ interesting that he is just like that with TJ...? The only thing I can think is that they have hung out pretty consistently since TJ was born, so maybe Julian knows and remembers TJ as littler than him-- even though they are pretty much the same size now!-- so for some reason he thinks he can boss him around because he's older? I have no idea. But they still love each other so much....both of their eyes light up when they see each other:) And thank you Amelia for being so patient with J!) After TJ left today, Julian yelled at the door "COME BACK, SON!" hahahaha! He did this a few times. The only thing we can think of is that he got that from his Pop Pop! If not Pop Pop, we have no clue...
• Julian also randomly gave TJ a totally unprompted hug and a kiss today! ha!

He also said "NO!" quite a lot today. And the usual "Boo Boo do it!" quite forcefully. He sure has a mind of his own, this little guy!

More Humorous Text Conversations Between Siblings...I've never felt more uneducated...

If you know my little sister, you know she's awesome.

You also know she's extremely well read. She has read more books than anyone else I know. Her nose has been stuck in a book since she learned how to read. She used to get in trouble because she'd bring her books into restaurants and read them at the table.

Jessica has prolly read everything Shakespeare ever wrote, amongst many of the greats. After getting accepted into the private university she attends, she was invited to audition for a full ride scholarship by performing two Shakespeare monologues. I drove her up to Atlanta for the audition and I remember being her audience as she practiced in our hotel room the night before. She was captivating. Needless to say, she nailed the audition. Amongst 45 or so applicants, she was the 1st runner up. So if the one who was chosen as the winner turned it down, Jessica would be attending Oglethorpe University free of charge for four years...that's like $120,000 or something for free...based on six minutes of auditions. Wowza. Well, the winner didn't turn down the full ride, so Jessica's consolation prize was a free trip to London to study the summer after her junior year. She just got back. I could go on and on about this crazy girl. Like, how she managed to not only go on this trip virtually free, but also to get paid by the university to go. Yup. She's good. Anyway.

Here is a text conversation she initiated with me last week. Mind you, Duncan (the only "Duncan" I've ever met) is Jessica's ex-boyfriend and remains a close friend to her and our whole family loves him. I thought maybe she put the "King" before his name because she knows I love him...? haha!

Jessica: "I have begun to plant thee and will labor/ to make thee full of growing" - Shakespeare.
Kim: That is a really awesome quote:) What play is it from?
Jessica: LOL Macbeth
Kim: Which is... slightly morbid... haha
Jessica: Haha, but it was said by King Duncan, and he meant it positively
Kim: Haha:) is he with you?
Jessica: Lol no, he's in a script written by Shakespeare
Kim: What? U mean he's reading a script? Or in a play?
Jessica: No, I'm not with Duncan! Lol King Duncan is a character
Kim: Hahahahahaha!!!! U must think I am so dumb!

Jessica sent this conversation to me in a Facebook message tonight to amuse herself. She's never gonna let me live this one down.

Ella Grace

We are so excited to welcome Ella Grace into the world very soon! (Note: she will go by "Ella Grace" and Grace is her middle name:) I will be 38 weeks tomorrow, so one week past "full term"-- she could be here any day!

With each little girly item of clothing washed in that Dreft detergent, with each flower painted, with each bow hung up on her bow holder, with each little kick and roll and turn I feel inside my tummy, with the washing of the car seat cushions and nesting like crazy (I can't tell you how many to-do lists have been gone through in the past few months), I have been getting more and more excited!

I can't believe this is about to happen. I told my sister-in-law today how meeting my friend's brand new baby last night made everything even more real. I could never have imagined how beautifully and drastically our lives were going to change before Julian arrived, and to know that's about to happen again is almost too much to comprehend, even though I have been through it fairly recently.

One thing I know is that I love her so much. I can't believe how much love I feel already for her, having not even met her yet. I already can't imagine living life without her. She is special. I can't wait to snuggle her and hold her close and smell her sweet baby smell, to examine her little fingers and toesies, to see her first smile and to brush her hair.

One thing I've been worried about for a little while is how she will be received into the world, with her big brother having set such a high bar for wonderfulness. This has caused my inner mama lion to feel even more love for her than I already did, I think. One thing I know for sure is that Stace and I love her more than words could ever express already, and we recognize what a great blessing it is that she has been given to us and our family, just the same as it was and is with Julian. She is our precious angel girl and she is different from her brother, and perfect to us, just as he is.

Of course I am a bit nervous about how Julian will react to the new baby, but we've been reading on how to help a toddler get used to a new baby, and we hope the things we've read will prove useful. That coupled with love and prayer is all we can do, I suppose!

He was over at my friend Rachael's on Thursday and she handed him her daughter's baby doll and was talking to him about his baby sister. (He says her name so adorably, btw...need to get that on video, too!) She told me he was "practicing" for his baby sister, and she took these pictures with her camera phone:


Melts my heart! She let me borrow the baby doll, and he loves to hold her, and he's really gentle with her! It's co cute! Thank you Rachael!

Baby Boy Genius Updates:)

Commonly uttered phrases:

• "Boo Boo do it!" or "Julian do it!" or "Julian help it!" (he INSISTS on doing everything himself! Including reaching the doorbell to ring it...which...he can't reach...oh silly boy!)
• "Angel Mowoni at deh top uh deh temple."
• "What dat mama?"

Yesterday I picked up Stace and Julian from the gym & gym kids' club. When we got in the car, Stace enthusiastically asked Julian "did you have fun with your friends?!" Julian said "yep!" and Stace asked "what did you do?!" And Julian said "I played with a ball and did the dinosaur!" Stace and I both looked at each other with big smiles/ mouths wide open. Not only did he understand the question perfectly, that may have been his longest sentence yet. :)

• He LOVES singing and reading Baby Beluga "Baby Yuga!"
• He LOVES his "I Love to See the Temple" book...I mean, loves it.
• He prefers to "read" his favorite books to me...he amazes us at the things he remembers and "reads" to us. In the temple book, for example, he turns to the page that talks about how each temple has a cornerstone, and yesterday he turned to that page and pointed to it and said "temple corner-tone" today he found an Ensign magazine and pointed to Moroni and said "angel Moroni crown at top uh duh temple" because it says in his book "The Angel Moroni is like a crown at the top of the temple."
• He LOVES Singing in general...it's SO CUTE! Can I please get it on video tomorrow?! He sings the words to "I Love to See the Temple" "Baby Beluga" "I am a Child of God" the ABC's in it's entirety, "Hush Little Baby" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"...annnnd...I can't think right now...but those are the most frequent favorites we sing.
• Today while looking at a book he stopped and pointed at a lower case "L" and said "what letter is that, mama?"
• He LOVES Curious George "Curious Georgia" he calls it:) When we read it, I say "This is George. He was a..." and let him finish the sentence so he'll say "good little monkey" and I'll say "and always very" and he'll say "curious!"
• He LOVES to watch this video. I think he'd do it all day if I let him! (That's his Pop Pop:)
• We went to the hospital last night to visit a friend who just had a baby. I was happy to see (knock on wood) that he was curious about the baby, but he did not seem jealous when he saw me holding the baby. He sat on my lap while I held the baby and I said "do you see the cute baby?" and he smiled and said "cute baby!"
• He knows pretty much all his shapes, including the hexagon, pentagon and crescent
• The other day Stace asked him "Julian, how old are you?" and he said "14!" Where did that come from!? haha! Again, he understood the question & answered with a number:)
• He understands his opposites, like up and down, big and little...when he talks about something being big and little, he does the FUNNIEST facial expressions and voices. ALSO get that on video! eek!
• He knows that red means stop and green means go!
• This morning when I went to get him from his room, I coughed once when I was about 20 feet from his door. I opened his door, see him lying in his bed and the first thing he says is "God bless you, Mama!" So sweet! He thought I had sneezed! This boy knows how to melt mama's heart:)

That's all for now! :)