"Disclaimer"

I have been struggling lately when it comes to blogging. Maybe you've noticed...maybe you haven't. Not necessarily with frequency. I've been struggling with blogging my real thoughts. I try to be good about writing down my children's milestones...but even there, sometimes I struggle...and I don't mean with jotting them down.

Part of me doesn't feel the need to share the innermost workings of my brain & heart with the world. But on the other hand, there is a part of me that sometimes wants to express what's really on my mind that day, that I'm literally at my wits end, that I cried myself to sleep last night because I was not feeling nearly like the mother I want to be, that I am feeling inadequate in almost every facet of my life...but giving the reasons behind those thoughts would leave the door open to judgment and criticism...and would leave me preoccupied with wondering what people think about what I wrote, and the potential for hurt feelings. Why would I want to take that chance? ha. And I don't think that makes me a coward. I don't think there's anything in the fine print when you agree to create a blog saying you have to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. See. Right there. I cringed typing that because I don't want people to feel like if they do want to share good/bad/uglies that I condemn it. I certainly do not. I truly understand how it can be therapeutic and helpful. But I personally just don't go into the bad stuff...usually.

But therein lies a problem.

If I only post the good and happy things about my life, and I only post the amazing things that my children do, I see how it portrays to the world that either my life is perfect...or that my children are perfect, or...that I live in some delusion where I think my life & my children are perfect, and the absolute WORST thought: that I think I am perfect. HA! BLECH. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. That's so outrageously far from true.

I feel like in this age of the technology explosion, we are all losing touch a little bit with reality. We read each others blogs (& perhaps see each others Facebook statuses), and therefore we think we really know each other.  I worry readers may think the real me is the one who is always smiling in the photos I post, without a care in the world because I have nothing ever to frown about. Not so.

Another worry is that I don't want to make anyone feel how I described my friend felt at the beginning of this post. She was feeling she didn't measure up based on comparing herself to the women who wrote the blogs she read. I found a "Disclaimer" today on a new favorite blog called "71 Toes" that I really related to. The author of the blog went to a retreat last year where the question was asked "what makes mothers spiral into depression or negativity?" and the overwhelming answer was "blogs." Says the author, "And that made me worry. Because I have a blog. And the last thing I want to do with it is depress people...The goal is certainly so very far from creating jealousy or comparison."

That's also the last thing I want to do...and the goal of this blog is certainly not to make people want to compare. And even there, I cringe a little bit typing this because if I write this, then I must think that my life seems perfect to blog readers, which is in and of itself arrogant.

On my blog, you see red, heart-shaped foods on Valentine's Day presented prettily on camera. What you don't see is that I was up 'til an embarrassingly indecent hour of the morning cleaning and taking way too long to prep such simple foods (I am so slow in the kitchen).

The "71 Toes" author continues, "the trouble with blogs is that we tend to accentuate the positive instead of the negative. It's human nature. And that's good, isn't it? The bad part is that we see that positive 'tip of the iceberg' that others are portraying and compare our worst to their best. That's human nature too. And that comparing is not good...
But life is good because I love it. And I'm thankful for it...especially when I break it down into moments. Especially when I slow down enough to enjoy the journey. And that's the kind of stuff I like to write about...So I guess this post is really meant to say that I've struggled with writing thoughts and feelings for the last while because I worry about making life sound like it's all hunky-dory around here when there are a million worries and concerns along with the good stuff." (And I'll add one bit to that: I also worry about writing about my concerns & inadequacies because though I don't take offense easily, I've always just been a sensitive person, and I don't want to open the door to the judgment and criticism.)

I could not have expressed my thoughts better myself. ha!

She goes onto say that she's just going to write about all of it from now on...the good, the bad the ugly. I don't know if I can say the same. I think for the most part, I'll keep to myself the fact that I accidentally stole something from Publix this morning, or the fact that I had people over a few weeks ago for dinner and completely FORGOT to put the dang piece of meat in the crockpot, and only realized it two hours before they arrived...(it was supposed to be in the pot for 4-6 hours on high)... Plus I just like to post about the happy things. I feel like that should be okay.

My failed attempt at a King Cake last week. Did you know that a King Cake is supposed to be circular? I didn't. Maybe if I knew that, maybe if I'd just Googled a dang picture of a King Cake before I started, I wouldn't have been so confused by the directions of how to shape the cake....

Ella Grace's Fifth Month!

Ella Grace is a whopping 16 pounds and is just growing like a little weed! Daddy has said that his favorite thing about Ella Grace is that when she's content, she purrs like a cat. We did not tell anyone else this, but his dad (Pop Pop) said the very same thing a short time later! Without further adieu, let's give the last month a photographic review!
The sleepy time...

has continued to dwindle, as the alert time has continued to rise!

Ella Grace just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter

while Mommy has so much fun dressing her up in the clothes we are given by Grandmommies, aunts, and friends!

She went to her first Medieval Faire this month...it was a 1st for all of us! Maybe she wasn't as impressed with the jousting as we'd hoped...

The newness of the discovery of the feet

was still strong at the beginning of the month, but seems to have started to ware off.

My mother-in-law took 4 month pictures of Ella Grace! And I could not be happier with them! I think she does just as amazing as the most expensive photographer I know of...

She used a Photo Shop editing technique called "Baby Skin" that is commonly used by professional photographers when editing baby photos. However, she did not touch baby girl's eyes with any editing tools. All it took was the sunlight streaming in from the windows to naturally catch the beauty of Ella Grace's blue eyes!


Ella Grace took her first trip to the voting polls this month and received her very first "I Voted" sticker!

She snuggled up to her dollies more than ever this month too!

She felt the grass beneath her feet for the first time this month, and she thought it was pretty much uhhhmazing! She was so excited! It was so cute! We'd gone outside with brother to play while Daddy was at work. I wish I'd had another person there to take pictures of the expression on her face because it was so precious (we got these with Julian...actually, I think it was his 2nd time...it's not too late:)! It is pure magic watching a baby's expression when they see or experience something for the first time. It's surely one of the best perks of being a mommy. I just love it!

This month we went and visited our awesome friends the Carr's. Ella Grace fell asleep like this in her babysitter's arms while the mommies and daddies went to Les Miserables. It was adorable to come home to!

The next day Ms. Mary Ann put a curler in Ella Grace's hair for the very first time! Gotta start the primping young! ;)

Ella Grace is such a sweetie baby, on the last day we were there, Ms. Mary Ann asked "does she ever cry?!" She's pretty happy, that's for sure! And if she does start to fuss, it's usually nothing some loving eye contact and a big smile can't fix. She did cry for 2.5 seconds in front of Ms. Mary Ann...and we caught that moment on film:

While visiting the Carrs, she cut her very first tooth! And then the second one came the very next weekend! Here she is showing them off!

That same weekend we went to Tallahassee so she could watch her Uncle Berkeley receive his Eagle Scout award! She was so proud of him! Unfortunately, I did not get a picture with the two of them :( But I did get a picture of her playing with her Aunt Candace! They seem to make the same expressions every time I take a picture of them:)

She played with the toy attachment for her swing for the first time this month:

This month was also the first time she ever went into the shower with me in her little infant tub. SHE LOVES IT! Sorry...no video/ pictures of this...but it's pretty much her favorite part of the day!
Ella Grace continues to be infatuated by her big brother, and loves watching him!

Even though she seems to be growing so fast, I like to see her being held by Daddy, or just looking at her in pictures with us because we can see how leetle she still is. :)

Ella Grace's future BFF made her grand entrance into the world this month! (Julian's BFF's little sister!) Ayla was born February 11, and we were so excited to go see her the day they came home from the hospital! She is so precious, and I just love her pretty little lips and mouth!

Ella Grace seems to do everything just a tad earlier than Julian did. From cooing, to rolling over, to cutting her first teeth, to sitting up! Ella Grace has almost mastered sitting up already! She's still a bit wobbly, but she can really hold herself up for an impressive amount of time.

However, one thing she's started doing that I think is about the exact same time as Julian is making raspberries! Julian LOVED doing this when he figured it out when he was about 5 months old! Well, Ella Grace figured it out last week and she thinks it's pretty much the coolest thing ever!

Do you love her hair in the above pic?! Me too. She had been wearing a headband that day that had pushed her hair up! I couldn't take enough pictures when I took the headband off...I found it quite hilarious:) She didn't think it was so funny!

Ella Grace is very hot natured just like her brother! When you hold her, she tends to get sweaty pretty quickly! Ella Grace also knows her name! When you say her name, she turns to you and smiles and looks all doe-ey eyed at you! She's SO precious! eek!

Ella Grace also celebrated her first Valentine's Day this month (see previous post).
I have heard from my sister-in-law's sister how much she thinks Ella Grace and Georgia look alike, but I haven't seen it quite as much as she does. But on the last day of her fifth month, I took a picture of Ella Grace and as soon as I snapped it I said "oh my goodness! That's Georgia!" (my niece.)

Well, maybe not twins, but they could definitely be related! ;)

Maybe next month there will be a "first foods" update! We shall see! Until next time...

Some Favorite Julian Videos

Some of these videos are older, but I don't think I ever posted them to my blog! For shame! (They're in order from most recent to oldest.)

My current favorite thing in the whole world is how he says "Book of Mormon!"


Silly Laughs at the Spinny Park (listen for the "hi mom!")


Back when he said "Ho Ho!" and it meant "choo choo"


"Oh My Goodness" we may or may not have submitted this one to America's Funniest Home Videos...


Music in his blood

I just want to remember...

Julian before his haircut:


*On January 7, Julian got a haircut! His FIRST ever haircut sitting in the barber chair. I hated it...real bad. He instantly grew about 15 years and I was so not okay with that. The tears were a-flowin that dreadful day. But, his hair has grown out a bit and it has started to grow on me. I still miss his luscious locks:(

*A couple months ago (it's been way too long since a Boo Boo update!), Candace and I were driving in the car talking, and every time we'd get in a conversation he'd say "Mama! What you sayin' mama?!" He likes to be a part of all of my conversations, and if he's not, he at least wants to know what I'm talking about!
*Over Christmas he'd come over to my side of the bed and say "mama! I've got a present for you!" So I pretended to open up this pretend present and was so excited and said "oooh!!! I love it! What is it?!" and he said "it's a choo choo train!!!" loves to play pretend!
*I organized my side table hardcore over Christmas. It's filled with all of my crafting and painting stuff. Before it was just all kinda jammed in there and one time I couldn't even wedge one of the drawers open for a few days! So you can imagine how delighted I am now when I look inside and see all my crafty stuff before me and easily accessible. Well, little Boo Boo can open the bottom drawer and he always does and reaches inside whilst saying "Mama! I got a present for you!" it's so sweet that he wants to give me a present, but all of my organization goes out the window, and the ground gets suddenly covered with foamies and ribbon that was once neatly organized. ! :O
*He loves to say "Mama! What's dat Mama?" He says it over and over again about everything he sees!
*Last week he woke up and said "dada! what time is it?" and Stace said "it's about 9 o'clock." and Julian said "no! It's watch Wonder Pets time!"
*Every time he wakes up, be it in the morning or after his nap, he grabs both his blankets off his bed and carries his big load out to wherever he's going. It's so funny. He's never had a lovey or anything...he just always brings his blankets with him when he gets out of bed. Then he drops them at his first stop and forgets about them.
*Sometimes when he wakes up, he cracks open his door and peeks out...I guess he's surveying the area. Then he'll close the door again. This can happen several times over and over again. Last week it did, until he eventually said while peeking out of the cracked door in his groggy, sweet little voice "hi mama!"
*Julian understands the concept of singular vs. plural. Over Christmas, when we'd sing "Rudolph", he insisted that it went "ALL of the other reindeerSSS" because the word "all" implied more than one. This morning when he said goodbye to Daddy, he ran after him holding one of his Kix cereal pieces and said "here, Dada! have a Kick!"

*Julian thinks it's SO HILARIOUS when Bambi is learning to say "bird" and also when the rain starts falling and the song "April Showers" comes on in the movie. It's so funny and adorable. Such sweet innocence:)

*He'll tell you what's up if you treat him wrong! Last month when I picked him up from the Kids Club at the gym, the caretaker who was watching him and the other kids said to me "he is so smart!" and I said "oh haha! what did he say/ do?" and she said that there was one little boy who was crouched over monopolizing the trains, and Julian came over and tried to play too. The other kid pushed Julian, and Julian knelt down, shook his head, got in the boy's face, and calmly said in a stern tone with a concerned look on his face, (I know it exactly, wish I could get it on video!) "don't push me. don't push me." He did the same thing at the playground just last week. There was a little boy at the playground last week who pushed him down to the ground. Julian stood up and furrowed his eyebrows and sternly said "don't push me." Good boy:)

*That same day at Kids Club at the gym, the caretaker told me she said to him "Julian, you have such pretty eyeballs! Can I trade with you?" and he said yes and then proceeded to put his hand towards her eyes so he could take them out for the trade. ha!

*Last week he and I ran around the house playing dinosaurs. We were speaking as if we were the dinosaurs we were each holding, running from place to place looking for meat, veggies, and making them dance like they do in one of his books. It was the first time we've ever played pretend where we were speaking for the dinosaurs. It was really cute:) We do this with trains too; we'd done it with trains before the dinosaur time.

*He asked me what kind of dinosaur he was looking at in his coloring book, and I glanced at it and said "oh, that's a brontasaurus" and he said "no, that's a bracchiosaurus." I then looked it up. He was right.

*This boy can be the sweeeeetest thing ever, and then such a spitfire too! Wowza! But, knock on wood...I think he is easing his way out of it...maybe the terrible twos will be like a ripping off a bandaid and we're almost done with them? Maybe? haha! He is truly usually so sweet though. One thing he says that I absolutely love is I will tell him something and he'll say "Oh, otay Mama!" so sugary sweetly and obediently. It's the best<3

* A couple weeks ago we were walking around Publix after he got a cookie. I said, "Julian, you got a cookie! You are such a lucky boy." And he smiles and knowingly says "haha, yeah!" and I said "you're just a lucky duck!" and again, repeats his very assured "yeah!" coupled with a slight giggle. Then I said "you're the luckiest boy in the whole world!" and he confidently and knowingly said "haha. Yeah. I know!"

*He likes to pretend to read now, and insists often that he read me the story, as opposed to vice versa. He also really likes to "read" Ella Grace books and show her the pictures:) When I read him scriptures, he opens his own Book of Mormon (which, btw, he thinks it's very special that he has his own), and speaks/ reads aloud with me.

*We started potty training on Saturday! We are doing the bare booty method. So far it's been going really well. The first day his only accidents were the first two times he started to go pee pee, but we quickly rushed him over to the potty. After lots of praise/ dancing/ rewards, he got the idea really quickly! No more accidents occurred that day. No accidents occurred the 2nd day either! But the 3rd day we were out for a bit too long, and he had an accident while in the car on the way home. :( Yesterday went really great too. Today he was struck by the diarrhea plague! :( What sad timing to try and be potty training, and the poor baby can't even control himself. So we had to regress and regroup a little bit today. Yet, even after his nap though, he had a clean diaper, and I took it off of him today so he could sit on the potty, and then he went! On the way home yesterday and today he told me he needed to go pee pee, and I'd tell him we were almost home and told him to hold it just a little bit longer, not knowing if he understood what I was saying, or if he was physically capable of "holding it", but both days he stayed dry and went on the potty as soon as we got home! You can tell he's really proud of himself. Every time he starts going in the potty, he looks at me and gets this big smile on his face. :)
*After hearing Julian talk to me today at the doctor's waiting room, I was asked by another lady in there "how old is he?!" "26 months" I say. "Whoa! He talks a lot for his age!" she said. I get this a lot...all the time...when people hear him talk. I know he talks really well & has a really big vocabulary, but sometimes I forget/ don't realize it because he's my first baby.
*Today we went to the the doctor at his naptime because of said diarrhea and also patches of dry skin on his bum. A resident came in to see him first. She checked him out, which he wanted nothing to do with. He clung to me like a baby monkey on his mama. When she left he said he wanted to leave, and I said "we have to wait for a minute. Another doctor is going to come see us." She checked him out, and again, he wanted nothing to do with it. He cried and cried...poor baby was sooo tired. When the attending physician left, I was putting his clothes back on and he said, while wiping the tears away "now another doctor is going to come in and see us, mama." I smiled to myself bc in that moment I did realize how well he talks. I always uses the correct tense, too...it's crazy!
*Also, while at the doctor, he may have escaped out the door at one point and was running down the hall of the doctor's office completely naked. The resident and I chased after him-- he is FAST! ha!)
*Julian had daddy's phone last week in the car and took about 1,000 pictures of his feet. I'm kind of glad he did, because his feet are kind of infamous amongst my friends here in Gainesville: they're known as "the brick feet"! hahahaha!

Julian and I at the Medieval Festival with Daddy, Ella Grace, & the Talbots.

He became "Sir Julian Charles" don't you know?

So beautiful.

He pointed at this car and said "mama! that's a diamond car!"

Teaching Ella Grace everything he knows:)

"painting" the house

*Julian and his best friend, TJ:



Sweet baby tuckered out: