National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. You can read about my issues with infertility here and below. I did not feel particularly compelled to write anything until today. I was reading a couple of my friends' posts on the issue and and realized I should step up and follow suit. Why? Because people need to talk about it. When a woman finds out she is infertile, it should not feel like she is the only one...like she is ALL. ALONE. But it does. It seemed like everyone around me was able to have children. At the time, I knew of just one other person who had been dealing with infertility. Just one. Of course there were more...but I didn't know.

Why?

Because people don't talk about it.

Why?

Because it's personal.

But when we don't talk about it, it makes it so much more difficult for those who find out they are infertile. It is a lonely place to be.

I have always had in the back of my mind a worry that I would not be able to get pregnant. As a freshman in college, I had ultrasounds showing I had Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS is a prominent cause of infertility. I remember one night I was up late thinking about it. Even though I knew I wouldn't start my own family for quite some time, the thought of never being able to have children was truly worrisome. I was praying for comfort, and when I finished my prayer I randomly turned to this verse in Isaiah:

"Sing o Barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord."

I continued reading, and I found that verse after verse was comforting. How amazing it was to know that at that exact moment, Heavenly Father knew my concerns and heard my prayers and gave me comfort and assurance through that scripture. I still knew I might face the issue of infertility, but I knew that God was in control, and that all would be well, someway somehow...I would be a mother.

Fast forward five years. On March 12, 2009 we were given the results of our fertility testing. I simply wasn't ovulating. I had plenty of blood work done month-in and month-out to confirm that. But that day we also received news about Stace. Stace had not one, not two, but three serious infertility issues...having just one of these issues would have made it difficult to conceive...but he had three, and they were all severe cases. So what did it all come down to?

"Your chances of getting pregnant are less than one percent," the doctor said.

Wait. Did he really just say that?

Oh...goodness...just thinking of it bring back painful memories. The next day I sat in the temple and tears streamed down my face as I prayed silently, once again, for comfort. I again opened the scriptures....hoping desperately to once again find that scripture in Isaiah that I had read years before. But I didn't know what chapter, and I didn't know what verse. (And Isaiah is a BIG book.)

When I opened to Isaiah, the first verse I read was Isaiah 54:1...the exact scripture I'd been hoping to find. I lifted my head in gratitude and amazement at the tender mercy I had been given that was so personal to me. Tears continued as I read:

6 For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.

7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.

8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.

10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.

11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.

13 And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

With great mercies he gathered me, with everlasting kindness he has had mercy on me, and gave me this, the greatest desire of my heart:

And I know he will give me more. Someway, somehow, some day. I will have children.

I have friends who now deal with the heart wrenching trial of infertility, and you do too. Heavenly Father has planted within them, as He has all of His daughters, the desire and innate ability to love and nurture children. To those who are now having trouble starting or continuing a family, I just want to say that my heart really and truly goes out to you so much. I want to say that Heavenly Father does know you and love you deeply. Never doubt how special you are to Him as an individual. ALL of God's children need to experience trials while on the earth. Experiencing trials is one of the main reasons we are here. You are not alone in this. You can do it. You can make it. Don't lose faith and don't lose hope. I know that Heavenly Father will bless you in ways you can't imagine. It may not be right now, or even soon...or even in this life, but I know He will. And you will look back and think all the heartache and tears and letdowns were all just so worth it.