I am blessed to call the angels my friends.

"I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He “would fight [our] battles, [our] children’s battles, and [the battles of our] children’s children.”  And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to “search diligently, pray always, and be believing[. Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted.”  The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants.

I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day...Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind."
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, (aka: "the Lion of the Lord"...or, "the MAN")
"The Ministry of Angels" October 2008

Tonight I feel a bit at a loss for words.

Despite my husband being out of town, I have had a really good week.  However, the night before he left, I was feeling like I was going to spontaneously combust...so overwhelmed...so much going on...trying to be a good mom...feeling so far from where I should be...

I was blessed to have a couple really good experiences today while chatting with some of my dear friends.

I was explaining to one friend how embarrassed I feel when Julian acts up because I feel like it's a reflection on my ability to mother. And with him having tantrums more often these days, I am feeling more and more like I am failing at this God-given role...that I am failing Him, who gave me the sweet blessing of children who, for a brief moment, we believed would never come.  According to tests and results and doctors, I wasn't supposed to have children. But I do...I am so blessed.  So how can I mess this up?

My sweet friend asked me "so, when you see a toddler throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, what would your first thoughts be about the mother?" I said immediately "I would empathize! Because I've been there!" And she said "exactly! that's how other moms would feel towards you." She's so smart.

We talked about how Heavenly Father parents us.  He teaches. He molds.  He leads, guides, and walks beside. Yet sometimes, despite all of His efforts, we, His children, still "act up".  Then she asked me, "so do you think poorly of Heavenly Father when you see His children misbehaving?"

Of course not.

She's so smart.

Then tonight I had the lovely opportunity to get together with girlfriends (thanks to another friend's husband who was such a "cheerful giver" and watched my babies so I could go). I was talking about how Stace and I are thinking we would like to have four children, if we are physically able. At least, that was the plan...but lately I have been questioning that...sadly. Not because I don't LOVE children. And not because of financial reasons or other common reasons many people decide to stop having children. But because I feel like I am failing now with only two.

My friends' were kind, and pure, and so good that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.

They probably didn't realize how much their thoughts, listening ears, and the love that was so apparent in their eyes meant to me, especially because the conversation was all in all quite brief.  But they made my heart feel lighter with their empathy, laughter, and sincerity.

When I got home tonight, I felt happy.  I felt calm when Julian got mad when I tried to take him out of the car (as opposed to letting him do it himself).  I felt patient when he kept stalling for bedtime.  I felt joy when he kissed me & told me he loves me. Pure joy when he nodded and smiled & said "yeah!" when I told him that I believe in him, and that he is a child of God.  Uplifted as I then kissed him and closed his door.

I don't know if someone said a prayer for me today or not, but tonight I sure felt like someone did.  It's an amazing sensation...actually feeling the prayers of other people on your behalf.  I really think someone did.

I am blessed to call the angels my friends.