The Blonde and Blue Zoo: Speechless

Friday, October 4, 2013

Speechless

When I look back through the posts I have made on this blog in the future, I want to remember these feelings I'm having right now at this time in my life. The problem is, words fail me. I can't even begin to put into words the gratitude I feel, and I can't even touch being able to describe the tender mercies and blessings that have come to pass over the last week. My heart is so full, and I am so grateful. I think I will try and describe what has happened in an actual journal, as I feel certain things are just too sacred to share with the world. (No, I'm not pregnant;) But I want my future self to look on this time with sweet nostalgia and to remember how I felt that my heart may burst with the awareness that my Heavenly Father does know me and He loves me.

Tonight in Target I saw a journal with a quote on it that I truly loved...and how true that quote is:

This is what I know, and I pray that this knowledge will just grow brighter and brighter until the perfect day (D&C 24:50): I know that God lives. I know that He loves His children. I know that He is in the the very details of our lives...our daily lives. And we can feel His gentle, guiding hand more and more in our daily lives as we seek Him more and more. I know that He cares about what we care about. Really, really cares. I know He loves us infinitely and that the feeling of His love in our hearts is the best. feeling. ever. I know the Atonement is real, and really powerful...the most powerful force in the world. It is by this miracle of the Atonement that hearts are changed, and he has continued to change mine time and again. The only explanation is through the power of that Atonement. I am so grateful for forgiveness. I fall, and have fallen, so short so many times in my life. I have failed time and again, and I look back at those times with such disappointment and sadness for hurt I may have ever caused someone. I hate that I have ever done that. And I wish I could wipe that away. I know that the Savior can though. I know that he has. I feel absolutely no malice in my heart right now...I feel so much joy and grattitude...it's indescribable. I am so grateful for the gift of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As tears stream down my face in silence in this quiet house while my sweet children are sleeping and my sweet husband is working (per usual;), and after such a great blessing has fallen into my lap, I feel so blessed to know what I know about eternity, about God, about families, and about how God loves and sees His children. We are His work. He cares for nothing so much as He does helping each of His children return back to live with Him. I am so ready for General Conference. I don't know how much I will get to actually hear this weekend with my two toddling, rambunctious kiddos, but I can't wait to listen to what I might have missed after they are asleep. I am so grateful for what I know. Words fail me now, and so I will end with this scripture...one of my very favorites:

Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.

-Alma 26:16

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Julian Quotables

6/23/2013

He was going #2 in the bathroom. Ella Grace came into the room singing and dancing, and through strained breaths, Julian used all of his breath and might to say "I like your song, Ella Grace!" ahahahaha! It was so cute!

*Helping Daddy clean up the bathroom "see Daddy! I can be a big helper!"

6/13/2013

"Julian, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Julian: "a young man."

6/11/2013
As I was putting him down for bed tonight, he pulled me close for a hug and said so innocently/quietly excited: "you get to lay with me, Mama!" I told him I was so lucky, and I am:)
5/21/2013
While driving in the car, Julian calls to me from the back "Mama, go faster! Go faster!" I said "I'm going as fast as I am allowed to go, Bubba. I can't go any faster; I don't want to break the law." Julian: "Well, maybe Ella Grace can fix the law."
5/16/2013
Julian crawled into bed with me early this morning and snuggled up to me. He put his feet over my legs and said "look, Mama! My feet and your legs are having a party!" then he started moving his feet and said "a dance party!"
5/16/2013
Lately when I hug my J-bud he'll throw his arms around me, pull me closer and say "come here, you!"
*I asked Julian if he wanted more grape tomatoes after he polished his off at the dinner table tonight. He went over to the box of tomatoes, grabbed some and said, "tomatoes make you run fast like this!" (he then demonstrated) and came back and said "yes, I want to have more fast."
*Tonight as I was tucking him into bed I was telling him how he needs to be a good boy. He said "can you teach me how to be a good boy?"
5/1/2013
J randomly said early this evening "I can't do it, Mama." Unsure of what he was talking about, I said: "you can do anything you put your mind to!" J: I can't put my mind to sleeping."
...Spoken like a true nap-fighter!
4/28/2013
After I got home from girls weekend, I told the kids I'd gotten them both little surprises. After he opened his little surprise, Julian excitedly said "do you have another present for me?!" I said "no, I have one present for my one boy." And he said "I'm not one boy. I'm three boys." Ha! Trickster.
4/28/2013
Pop Pop was holding Ella Grace in the pew at church on the opposite end of Julian and Grandmommy. Julian saw Pop Pop giving Ella Grace Reeses Pieces all the way down yonder. He said "what's going on down there?" dashed off her lap and said "I better go check it out!"
4/25/2013
Me: "do you want to go to the pool today, Julian?" J: "yes, I want to go to the hotel pool." Me: "oh, well the hotel pool is in Hawaii." J: "Mama, can we take a big, strong airplane that will fly up us super-rocket-star fast to Hawaii today?" Me: "Um, no baby, I'm sorry. It costs a lot of money to take a plane ride to Hawaii. And all of our money is gone." J (as if he's just had a HUGE aha moment): "Oh, Mama! I think we need to DRIVE to Hawaii!"
4/23/2013
"I love everyone!!! Oh, except I don't love strangers." (Gotta say, that one made me proud...but don't let this fool you, he's pretty much THE friendliest kid on the planet. Hence, that statement of his gave me a little comfort).
4/22/2013
Me: How did you get so big?! Please stop growing!
J: but I want to be grown!
K: ok, you can grow.
J: in all sincerity...thanks, thanks mama. Thanks for letting me grow, mama.
4/20/2012
I tried to swat a fly and it flew away. Julian looked to the same spot I was swatting and said "don't worry, I 'll catch him!" I said "oh, he flew away, bud." J said sadly: "oh...he doesn't like us?" :(
I was singing "I've Got a Dream" from Tangled and I said "Julian, what's your dream?" and he said with a laugh in his voice "my dream is on my bed, silly mama."
4/19/2012
Several days ago we mentioned to J that Grandmommy was coming on Friday. Now Stace is driving, and J said "are you taking me to school?" And I said "no baby, your school is only on Thursday; today is Friday." He processed for a second & said enthusiastically "Grandmommy is coming on Friday!!!" And I said "yes! That's right! You have such a great memory!" He was so excited and I think was searching for a nice compliment to say back and said "that's a great thing to promise!"
4/18/2013
Julian just told me "you are the most beautiful mommy I ever had." I am feeling a mix of my heart melting and also relief that I beat out all that competition! ;D
4/17/2013
Julian requested the bedtime song "Eight Old Mice." We realized soon he was requesting the song more commonly known as "Edelweiss"
4/3/2013
An hour and a half into our road trip to Destin: Julian- "hey guys! Turn around and go back to my home. I forgot my sand toys!" I think your cousins have your back, bud...you know, since they live at the beach:)
4/2/2013
Julian found a little bag of "ABC Cookies" from Easter a few hours ago, but I told him he couldn't have them because they are Ella Grace's. As an aside, Julian loves the game of hide and seek these days. Just now he said "Mama, you wanna play 'hide-and-not-seek?' You hide and I'll not find you." I was feeding EGS and not paying too much attn, but wanting to humor him, I said "sure!" I carried EGS with me to a hiding spot, and when we got settled, it sunk in that he wasn't coming to find me. I said "hey! Wait a minute!" I go back out, and sure enough, he'd gotten a hold of those cookies that I'd hidden! THAT LITTLE STINKER! I feel so dumb. A 3-year-old just duped me. He duped me good
3/13/13
Julian watched a Buzz Lightyear movie at our gym's kids club. Tonight he said "the not-nice Buzz Lightyear ouchies people everywhere!"
Julian steps on the scale and says "I'm 3-4 tall! Oh, look Mama!" Then he stepped off and he saw the number go to 0.00 and said SO excitedly " Zero! Wow! I have zero money!" and ran off.
J goes up to our space heater and puts his bare backside towards it and starts rubbing it and says "Hey mama, look! This warms my bum bum!"
Me: laughing...Where did you learn that?!
J: at school. (His standard, automatic response to that question.)
Julian is walking around the house yelling "Pudson! Pudson! Where are you?!" I have never heard the name Pudson in my life. Me: "Julian, who is Pudson?" Julian: "Pudson is the vaccuum's friend, and I can't find him."
3/11/13
Stace's mom was putting him to bed, and he hugged her and said "Grandmommy, we have the BEST family!"
3/9/13
Candace: "did your Daddy do good in the talent show?"
Julian nods and says: "he's the best singer in the world. He's my favorite favorite singer!"
Candace: "how thirsty are you, Julian?"
Julian: "ten dollars."
Julian: "it's a hard life. But sometimes it's not very hard."
3/1/2013
Stace: "Julian, one day you're gonna find a girl that you love and you're gonna marry her just like me." Julian: "no, Dada. One day when I grow big and strong, I'm gonna marry mommy."
2/27/2013
"What are you going to be when you grow up, Julian?" "I'm still going to be Julian."
2/26/2013
Me, as I wrangle my child to get him ready so we can go get Daddy from school: "Julian, let me put your pants on, for goodness sakes!" we laugh... J: "noooo..." Me: "for Guzza's sake!?" (Guzza is one of my nicknames for him.) J: "nooo..." Me: "For Grandmommy's sake?!" J: "noooo...Grandmommy doesn't have a sink!"
2/10/2013
Daddy was watching America's Funniest Home Videos tonight while we were playing Superheros. We looked over at the TV and saw a cute little baby boy about 10-12 mos old. Me: "Aw, he's so cute!" Julian: "I want one of those! I want one of those babies!" Me: "you do?!" J : "yeah!" Me: "where do we get one of those baby brothers?" J: from the Baby Store!
2/9/2013
stream of consciousness...."Hey, Dada! Hold on a minute. I'm going to come over there and snuggle with you under that blanket! I'm so thoughtful. Thoughtful means 'I love you.'"
1/30/2013
Daddy while he was snuggling with Julian as he put him to bed: Julian, you're the best:)
Julian: NO! Mommy's the best!!!
1/27/13
Julian and I were getting ready to say prayers tonight. I asked him to say the prayer, and he said "Mama, will you teach me?" So we went through the process of me teaching him what to say. When we said "amen." He said:
"You're the best teacher ever, Mama!" and then "You're the best teacher ever, Ma'am!"
1/18/2013

Julian got a new bike today from his grandparents! He learned how to ride it tonight and was going around and around the house. He caught on fast, and he LOVES it! He stopped suddenly, as he often does, and said "oh! I need to go potty!" He rode on over to the bathroom, got off, and said: "bike, you can watch me go potty." Then continued..."and then the bike will say 'Good job Julian!" (in a low voice)

1/13/13
Walks into room holding a little briefcase and says "I'm ready!" Me: "oh, you're ready!?" J: "Yes, and I'm so handsome."
1/12/13
As he does every morning, Julian ran into our room when he woke up this morning and climbed into bed with us. He looked up at the big picture we have of the temple and said
"that's the temple. That's where I'll get married someday."
He also gave Daddy a big kiss and said with a little smile and laugh "I like you!" and then a bit later "I'm glad I"m here with you!"
1/7/13
Julian, Ella Grace and I were all racing our cars around the living room.
Julian: catch up to my car, Mama!
Me: I'm trying, but you're so fast! (Seriously...this kid could win Matchbox drag race Olympics)
Julian: The race is not about whose the fastest, Mama. It's about the fun!
12/13/12
We were in the car and I was lost trying to find a new park. J was excited about meeting his friends there.
Me: Hmmm...I can't find the park, Julian.
Julian: Mama, you can do hard fings, Mama. Finding the park: that's a hard thing. But you can do it.
12/11/12
After coming in from running around outside:
Me: Julian, are you hungry?
J: no
M: are you thirsty?
J: no; I'm showy. That means I need to watch a show.
12/9/ 2012
Saying bedtime prayers:
Stace: "and please bless Julian and Ella Grace--" Julian interjects and says "that they will wake up tomorrow and go to Disney World."
11/29/2012
"I make a lot of good decisions."
11/25/2012
After cleaning up a big mess with Dada's help, he gave Dada a high five and said "yeah! Dada! We can do hard things!"
11/24/2012
Julian: Dada, what is the Milky Way?
Stace: it is a collection of stars far away
Julian: oh. I don't think it's milky.... How far away is it?
Stace: really, really far up in outer space!
Julian: like as far away as the ice cream store?
11/24/2012
Upon pulling into town, Stace stopped off at his office to run in & grab something. Ella Grace woke up when the rhythm of the rolling car stopped & started crying. Julian thought she was crying because Daddy left the car, & then reassured her compassionately: "He's coming back, Ella Grace. He's coming back, I promise."
11/23/2012
Julian was fascinated with the bubbles Aunt Kathleen was blowing with her gum...Kathleen: "do you want me to blow a baby (small) bubble?"
Julian: "No, I want you to blow a mommy bubble."
11/16/2012
Stace's mom: Good morning, Julian!
Julian pensively responded: "Grandmommy, today I want to be 'Boo Boo'." (We called him "Boo Boo" nearly exclusively up until a few months ago when he started school. He handled the switch well and often insisted his name was "Julian" when we'd accidentally fall back into calling him his nickname.)
11/15/2012
Me: After finishing a long list of to-do's, I then asked my husband to finally dispose of our jack-o-lantern. (He is ALWAYS working so I don't bug him too much:) He made a grimacing face and we laughed at the thought of that gross pumpkin. Exasperated, I said while we hugged "just...I don't want any complaining." Julian then piped in from the kitchen table..."I want some complaining!" Then he held out his spoon and said "Put it on my spoon!"
9/2012
Julian walked up to a little girl a bit older than him and said "hi! I'm your new friend! My name is Julian!"
11/2/2012
At a store while I'm checking out: "hey, look Mom! I made a new friend!" he then gestures me to look towards a one year old little girl in a buggy.
10/31/2012
J: "Hey Mama, what's your name?"
Me: "My name is Mama."
J: "Oh, that's a pretty name!"
10/30/2012
While holding a toy in the backseat: "Mama, if I break this, you'll have to throw it in the fixing machine."