Striving to Remember & Be Grateful

3/13/2009 Journal Entry:

"We are on a little mini vacation in Orlando & Daytona right now. We left yesterday after my work and got to Orlando at about 11:30. This morning we went to the temple...I had the most beautiful experience that I've had in the temple since we were married...

Yesterday Stace & I met with the amazing Dr. O'Bryan, and were told we both have pretty serious infertility problems, and that we have a less than 1% chance of ever creating children/ getting pregnant:( This was a pretty tough blow. I do feel that the Lord has been preparing me for this for years...a part of me has known for a long time this would be a trial for me (the no period thing kinda gave it away, I guess), but to HEAR IT for real from the Dr..."less than 1% chance" is pretty hard to take in. I think at first it didn't really hit me...but then we went to Subway and I just cried and cried and couldn't eat anything.

It's hard to even write about it now.....

I do love children so much and have been anxious for a while now to be a mom...now, I see that it will likely be quite some time before I am one. In vitro is $15,000+...who knows when we'll be able to afford that. And adoption is also a very expensive and lengthy process. And when is the right time to do that? I'll be 24 in a couple months. Yes, I'm young, but...I'm not THAT young when you consider how long it could take to adopt or use other means to get pregnant...and we want a lot of kids...

I do feel sad about this, but I do know that we'll be parents one way or another and that Heavenly Father knows our situation, & He is in control."

We got pregnant a few days later. For that and for this current pregnancy, I will be eternally grateful.

It's so easy to forget and then to take blessings for granted. I look at Julian now and laugh at his hilarious antics & personality and watch in awe as he says new phrases and sentences everyday (today it happened while we were blowing bubbles and he was trying to reach them to pop them, and he said "they're too far away." Yesterday he went outside and closed the door on Stace's mom & said "I'll be right back, Grandmama!") I laugh to myself and with Stace at his adorable prayers and the lists that he makes when he names what he's grateful for ("bunnies...n mamas...n daddas....n badadas....n Care'lines...n Kates...n Georgias...n TJ's....n monkeys, bobcats...n Grandmamas...n Pop Pops," etc), and how he demands that his monkey fold his arms, that his Spot folds his arms, and tonight he even wanted his train to join in our family prayer, as well. I stop and reflect in the midst of the fun moments (like when we all got in the "bathtub pool" last week and Julian thought it was just about the funnest thing he's ever done) and I cherish them. He loves to make us laugh and smile, and he does it all the time. He's added so much warmth and joy to our home. I am so grateful.

Psalm 127:3 says "Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Psalm 127: 4 says "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them."

In a month and a half or so, our quiver will get a bit fuller. I could have never imagined the kind of joy we would experience from the last little wonder Heavenly Father allowed us to bring into the world. I know it is the same with Baby Girl. I am so grateful to be having a little girl...that, as Stace says "we get to have a combination of boy(s) and girl(s)." I know she is special, just like her brother. Heavenly Father loves her and she is being given to our family for a wise purpose. I am sure Julian will teach her much, and she will teach him much, as well.

I hope our quiver will continue to grow fuller and fuller. I hope Stace & I can be the kind of parents these special little spirits deserve and need. I pray for that a lot.

"Happy is the man," indeed. :)